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Photo by Wonderlane on Unsplash
Dear Synapse-Maker,
Thank you for all the yummy food you’ve been giving me lately, I really appreciate it. without you, I wouldn’t have the energy or the strength to get up in the morning, never mind carry your 15kg mobile office from place to place!
You know, it’s pretty dang cool that you’re giving me enough fuel to run a 10 kilometer race everyday! But until you actually do run that race, or need the energy for something else, I’ll just pop the extra supplies out of your way. Best place for me to store it till needed is your belly, I reckon; though I’ve also found some pretty good stashing spots in your thighs, butt, upper arms, and double chin.
Sorry to hear you’re not happy with the aesthetics of the storage facilities, though. So I’ve had an idea that I think will help you get the look you want, and help me not to run out of room for the excess fuel: cut the density of each delivery, so I can put most of it into immediate output for you. Also, I’m certain I can get by with a lower quantity and frequency just fine.
There’s a glitch in the system, I’m afraid, where sending more than I need, especially of those premium goodies, sets up an automated re-order that I haven’t yet figured out how to cancel.
FYI you can tell the difference between a legit order and the rogue ones by checking out the signature at the bottom: please ignore any that are signed “Feed me sugar, fat, and flour in any combination”, and be especially wary of the co-signers “Do it now or I will die”, “I absolutely deserve this”, “You know it’ll make you feel better”, and “Just this once won’t hurt.”
Best way to avoid the glitch is as I said; match the density and quantities of each delivery to the level of activity you’ve been asking of me lately. Honestly, I really don’t need much to fuel a mostly sedentary working day, followed by a nice walk around the neighbourhood.
Uh, yeah, sorry about the inflammation. I’m trying to get that down, but it’s okay because it means the good guys are mopping up the mess caused by some of the poor quality fuel I’ve been receiving lately (I’m sure you’re working on that 🤍). Hey, if feeling under the weather gets your attention, it’s a good thing, right?
Let’s put our heads together on this, and I’m sure we’ll come up with something that works for both of us. I really do love you, and I promise I’m doing the very best I can to protect you and give you the energy you need for all that awesome stuff you want to do!
Let’s chat again soon,
Your Body
